Running for my life

The past week has been intensely busy for me and as a result I have fallen off the wagon eating-wise for the past few days. Yesterday in particular was out of control, and culminated in a chocolate binge last night. It was a clear reminder for me that my issues with food won’t just disappear. I am food addict and use it as an emotional buffer: this is an issue that I will need to be aware of and deal with my whole life.

So I was feeling quite annoyed at myself today and was trying to pull things back together again. I knew that I needed to go for a run, but decided that I wasn’t up to it and would just skip this one. However, later in the evening I got home and logged onto wordpress to read some of the latest posts of the blogs that I follow. Within ten minutes I was feeling motivated and upbeat again and half an hour later I was in my running gear heading out the door. Thank you blogging community for giving me the kick up the arse that I needed today. I am so inspired by your weight loss and exercise journeys and your posts motivate me to keep going.

However, by the time I set out it was about 8pm and raining quite hard. I’ve always loved running in the rain – I find it really liberating: it makes you feel alive. I was also excited to try out my new app ‘Zombies, Run!’

Basically you can choose a playlist of your music and in between the songs you’re in a story about being chased by zombies.  It starts with your plane being shot down and then you have a radio operator communicating with you and narrating what’s happening. It was quite amusing and definitely made me run faster. When someone is shouting at you ‘the ZOMBIES are coming! Run! RUN!’ it instills genuine fear, especially as there are zombie sound effects.

As you go along you ‘pick up’ items, which will apparently be useful in later levels. I am excited to use it again and see what happens next time.

To make it more sinister however, it got really dark and began to rain harder as I was running round Queen’s Park. Then the thunder and lightning started. They were really close to each other, which I know means that the storm was really close by. I was in a densely wooded area, which I knew was a bad idea, so I genuinely got a bit scared and turned for home. Although I wasn’t out for as long as I should have been I jogged continuously to get home quicker (instead of interspersing walking and running) and my speed was faster than usual, so I felt like it was a decent workout. It was a really good jog in general as I had a lot of energy and the zombie app kept me amused. Afterwards I felt really good that I’d got the run done, and had the happy feeling of lots of endorphins zipping their way around my body.

I know that running keeps me motivated to control my diet. I need to prioritise it and keep looking for ways to keep it fun. Any suggestions would be appreciated 🙂

Feeling good

Getting fit is bloody hard work, but exciting too. I can’t wait to use more of my body’s potential. 

Trying New Things

I’m definitely a creature of habit.

Whilst I’m not afraid to try the big new things like doing a bungee jump or changing job, when it comes to day-to-day life I tend to stick with the things I know I like. Why not? It keeps things simple.

Last time when I lost a significant amount of weight I stuck to what I knew. I ate very similar things (porridge for breakfast, salad for lunch, baked potato for dinner) and kept to the same exercise routine (running). And it worked at first – I lost weight and I didn’t find it hard to maintain the pattern, however eventually I hit a plateau that lasted a long time, which was probably caused by my stubborn refusal to change my routine. I had seen my new habits work so I was scared to change anything.

After enough time had passed with my weight plateauing I became disheartened, and gradually my old habits slipped back in and I piled all the weight back on and more.

This time round I am trying to embrace the new so that when the inevitable weight plateau comes along I am happy to shake things up a bit.

Old dogs can learn new tricks (with a LOT of encouragement)

When I first started running I was convinced I could only go out alone. I was worried that I would become too insecure to run with other people and my anxiety would lead to me forgetting how to breathe properly. However, when I joined a jogging club last year I realised that it’s a lot of fun going out with others – you can distract each other by having a chat during the tough bits and you can cheer each other on at the finish line.

I took up jogging again just over a week ago, and every time I’ve left the house my housemate’s dog Trigger has looked at me mournfully. He is a pain to walk sometimes because he has to stop to sniff everything, so I assumed that going running with him would be the same. I kept telling myself that I needed to stick with what I know (headphones in, ‘determined jogger face’ switched on) as I get back into exercising again.

Then it hit me that I was making assumptions about what would and wouldn’t be helpful before giving it a shot, so yesterday I harnessed up Trigger and took him out with me:

And although we had our issues I actually really enjoyed it. I hadn’t taken my iPod with me as I thought juggling that with Trigger’s lead, his poo bags, his treats and my water bottle might be a bit much, but Trigger’s company reduced the need for music. It felt really nice having a companion galloping along beside me (he has very little legs, so he has to move them a lot faster than mine).

There were moments when I had to pretty much drag him along as he was trying to wee on a lamppost, or smell every blade of grass under a tree, but I think this proved to be pretty good resistance training for me. I was exhausted once we’d finished, and so was he:

It was good for him too, as now there are eleven of us living in this house he definitely gets over-fed. But then who can resist that face?

American-English Translation Problems

Continuing in the vein of trying new things, when I saw this great aubergine pizza recipe on Grace’s blog I thought I would give it a try. I headed to the local market to get some ingredients, but when I arrived I couldn’t recall what the base was made of. I couldn’t remember if the US name eggplant is an aubergine or a courgette to us Brits. Then I wondered if it had actually said zucchini, and if so – what is that? Thankfully I bought a couple of aubergines, which turned out to be correct and made these really simple but delicious aubergine pizzas:

Step 1: Slice the aubergines and grill for a few minutes. Then add a tiny bit of oil and stick them under for a bit longer.

Step 2: Add tomato puree and toppings.

Step 3: Stick back under the grill until the cheese has melted.

They were really delicious and as good – if not better – than actual pizza. I will definitely be making them again so I am really glad I gave it a go.

They smelled good too, as Trigger sat by the oven the whole time they were in there.

I’ve had two good experiences of new things this week and I’m now excited to shake things up a bit more. In fact I’ve just booked a short holiday with a friend down in Cornwall at a beginner’s surf school. I have always wanted to learn how to surf as I love being in the sea, but my weight and lack of fitness has always left me feeling too insecure to give it a try. I am sick and tired of letting my weight hold me back, so I’m really excited to see what this mini break will be like… even if I have to get over my fear of wearing a wetsuit.

Positivity

We’re in the middle of a heatwave in the UK and life just feels so much better. We have been missing the sun!

The past week was one of extremes: I started it by treating myself to a reward meal and ended up having four days of eating junk and quickly slipping back into old habits. This has happened a number of times during my previous weight loss efforts; I would slip up for one day and then psychologically wipe the whole week off. This would culminate in a panic before the dreaded weigh-in at which point I would wear the least amount of fabric I could get away with in public, remove all jewellery, shave my legs and clip my nails… As you can guess, this never worked. I would put on a few pounds, feel disheartened and more often than once this led to the steady decline to giving up altogether.

After four days of eating junk last week I felt like I was at a crossroads. I knew I needed to pull myself up by the bootstraps and start over, but I just couldn’t find the mental strength anywhere. But then my saviour came along in the form of a big burst of endorphins – aka I started running again.

When it’s beautiful outside and you’ve just had an enjoyable jog round the park it is difficult to come back and want to stuff your face with ice cream. Running isn’t all peachy (and I’ve been for another couple of jogs since my first which have been a lot tougher) but the feel-good factor afterwards is hard to beat. I feel great to be back on track.

So although when I weighed in with my mentor yesterday I had put on half a pound, my overwhelming feelings about the week are pride and positivity for managing to turn a negative spiral around.

I feel so good now I’m exercising again. I’m considering taking up DDP Yoga soon to compliment the running, after reading about it on Christina’s blog. When I damaged my ankle, my physiotherapist told me that I would benefit from increasing my core strength and flexibility if I wanted to keep on running, so DDP yoga seems a good match, and from a bit of web research people seem to have had amazing results with it.

As much as I’m loving being active this does mean I need to re-evaluate my eating. I do not believe that the Cambridge Weight Plan is right if I want to start exercising every day. When I saw my CWP mentor this week I said I wanted to create a hybrid, whereby I would still use the products for two meals per day, but in the evening I would have one healthy meal, focusing on protein and vegetables, but with a few carbs as well. She looked a bit panicked by this and said she didn’t think it was a good idea, which I found disappointing. As I’d been meeting her every week for a chat, I’d forgotten that actually she’s not interested in my weight loss unless it’s on the Cambridge Programme (which makes sense because I pay her a fortune for the products). I was annoyed that she suggested that I limit exercise and follow the programme exactly, because I never wanted to become a convert to a particular programme, but instead wanted to use CWP to give me a boost back into a healthy lifestyle.

I’ve read countless criticisms about very low calorie diets, but I have no regrets that I went ahead with the Cambridge programme. I’ve lost almost two stone and the weight loss has inspired me to want to live a healthy lifestyle again; exercising and eating healthy food (just not limiting it). I don’t want to jump from the extreme Cambridge programme to my own healthy eating rules straight away, which is why for now I will stick to their plan for two meals per day (I also have loads of products I need to use anyway). I’ll see how this combined with more exercise affects my results on the scales, but whatever happens I’m excited to be excited about living healthily again.

Life is good 🙂

Obsessed

A reminder of what this journey is really about

kaftan to bikini

View original post

Self-Sabotage

When I am trying to lose weight I often watch ‘The Biggest Loser’ for inspiration. We’ve had a couple of series in the UK, but I find the US version far more exciting.

I have huge admiration for Jillian Michaels, the female coach. She is normally found shouting at her contestants and giving them ‘beatings’ in the gym. But as harsh as she can be, she really takes the time to try to understand her trainees and talks a lot about working out why they turn to food and why they don’t think they’re capable of pushing their bodies.

One thing she mentions a lot is self-sabotage and why the contestants are not allowing themselves to succeed. This is really ringing true with me this week as I can’t seem to motivate myself to get back on board with the Cambridge programme and I’ve been eating junk. Every day I give myself a good talking to and try to put little things in place to keep me on track: yesterday I drew a massive exclamation mark on my hand in permanent marker as a visual reminder to think about what I’m eating, but then I went out with a friend after work for dinner and purposefully ignored it.

I really want to succeed. I really want to lose weight and get fit again. So why is something in me sabotaging my conscious efforts to motivate myself? I think I need to put concrete boundaries in place again as a short term solution, so I’m going to go back onto Sole Source again for a bit, which means just the shakes. From tomorrow though – it’s the hottest day on record in the UK today and I’m going to enjoy eating food for the last day (but try not to overindulge) and then from tomorrow onwards I’ll be back on the shakes.

However in the long-term I need to sort my head out. I need to be able to define my relationship with my body and my relationship with food.

I’m going to try giving myself some rules for the next few weeks, which will give me space to reflect on the inner emotions that drive me to turn to food. I hope by writing them down here that I will commit to them:

1) Go to bed by 11pm (I’ve started staying up until 2am every night)

2) Get up ten minutes early every day to listen to the headspace meditation app

3) Start the running programme

Does anyone have any advice about dealing with self-sabotage? How do you keep yourself motivated to lose weight and exercise?

Who has cake and doesn’t eat it? Before and after photos.

OK, sorry I know I’m not the best at these before and after photos – I don’t know how people take selfies so easily. Somehow my hand is always in the way or I end up taking a picture with only half my body in shot. And it’s pitch black outside so I had to arrange a lamp directed straight at my body… I’ll stop making excuses now.

So today I hit my first goal, which was to lose 25 lbs, and ended up losing an extra couple for good measure.

That’s 27% of the way towards my ultimate goal to lose 100 lbs *self-five*. Also, my BMI has gone from 38 to 33.7.

However, I am going to make some changes to how I’ve been doing things. Firstly, I promised myself that once I hit 15 stone 7 lbs or less I would start running again. Very much like starting a new food plan, with running the first couple of weeks are the hardest and then it becomes habit. I am not looking forward to starting again, but I know that a month down the line I will feel so much better for it. I’ll be posting about the running programme I’ll be starting later on this week.

Although my mentor says that I can start jogging gently again whilst still remaining on Sole Source (450 calories) I don’t feel like that’s sensible. I want to be a good runner and although my energy for day-to-day tasks is fine, I have never felt energetic enough for proper exercise since I started on this low calorie diet. I’m also burning muscle as well as fat at the moment, which I can’t see is healthy for running.

Therefore I’m going to take a break from Sole Source for a while and start on the Cambridge step 2. This bumps up my daily calories from 450 to around 810 and means I actually get to eat something (other than my frozen milkshakes!) I’m really looking forward to eating proper food, as I have been getting very bored with the CWP products after 6 weeks. Saying that, I am worried that with the re-introduction of food I will have to be very careful about portion control and emotional eating. If I find it too hard to limit myself I can always return to step one again for a bit of a breather.

So on step 2 I will eat 3 Cambridge weight products per day (in my case this is pretty much 3 frozen milkshakes, with the occasional soup when I’m working), plus one meal of a protein rich food with 80g of vegetables, 425 ml of skimmed milk (yes! I can drink tea again!), plus the usual four pints of water.

You can’t have your cake and eat it (bad proverb for someone losing weight)

The main problem that I’m having at the moment is that I am feeling really good about having lost weight, but I am also really craving carb laden food. I want to be skinny and I want to eat pasta and biscuits. Sadly I have to choose.

I had a look through my wardrobe this weekend and I can now fit into a load of clothes that I haven’t been able to wear for about a year. I feel really good about myself being able to wear them again, and proud that I’ve shed 27 lbs. Despite this I still want to eat crap, but I need to learn about moderation.

Saying that, I had a ‘cheat’ day today. To celebrate my weigh in I had dinner of a greek salad (with olives and feta) with salmon and a crusty bread roll with margarine, followed by a flapjack for dessert. It wasn’t a brilliant choice, however in the past it could have been a dinner or cheesy chips with a bag of doughnuts so I’m feeling positive about small changes. Even if it slows my loss this week, I need to keep the long term in mind and that means being able to have occasional cheat days, but just not allowing them to become the norm.

I need to constantly remind myself why I’m doing this. This week my two challenges will be making sure I can re-introduce food into my life in moderation, and ensuring that excuses don’t hinder starting my running plan. I have told myself I will start it this Saturday, so please keep me accountable if I fail to mention this ever again.

I will be regretting that bread roll I had for dinner for the next three days as my body will be going back into ketosis, but damn it was good in the moment.